Fear of being judged by other people, is certainly one of the most blocking fears you may have. Maybe you don’t like to accept it because it would be like to admit that you are “weak”, but inside you, you know i’m right.
Does being criticized is bothering you?
Do you think sometime or everytime what people may think about you?
If you answered yes to these questions, this article is very important for you and will help to take the first step in defeating this fear.
Being judged is holding you hostage and limit your life, creates limiting conditions for yourself and drive you away from achieving any goals in your life.
The (useless) fear of being judged.
We are all immersed in social relations. For this reason we are often in touch with friends, co-workers etc…Being afraid of judgement can cause you great suffering, because all this is part of your daily life.
There can be many situations in which you can feel uncomfortable, for example:
- When you need to speak in public;
- When you talk to people who have more authority than you, such as your boss;
- When you reply to criticisms to you;
- When you are in the centre of attention;
- When you want to meet new people and talk to them …
and the list goes on …
What is the fear of being judged by others?
Whatever you do, there will always be people who will be ready to judge you. This fear does not make much sense to exist because it represents only a great limitation. People will always judge what you do or say based on your beliefs and conditionings, without having a clear vision of the situation, but only based on feelings.
According to research by experts (such as Richard Boyatzis), the fear of being rejected is one of the most important causes of stress. This fear also triggers other fears, such as being rejected, the fear of losing health, losing youth and social status. Losing reputation can be perceived as a serious threat for health.
What causes the fear of judgement?
When you were a child you had few fears: darkness, noises and little else. You could do everything without thinking of being judged and without being shy. Over time the ability to feel free has been lost and you have begun to experience different sensations, such as shame and shyness. So you started to choose the behaviors to have automatically. Surely mom and dad liked these behaviors more, like shame and approval.
Fear, as you know, is a reaction of our mind that helps you protect yourself from danger. It makes you think so you don’t get it wrong. Unfortunately, fear can have negative effects on your behavior, especially those that you consider risky. A risky behavior could be to get out of your comfort zone , from your usual habits, preventing you from looking for something else in your life that is not the usual routine.
Many fears are useless. Being afraid simply to know someone or to be judged, are unnecessary fears, which will do nothing but drives you away from yourself and your desired successes and dreams.
Fear of being judged causes shyness.
Being introverted is different from being shy. The behaviors that derive from shyness, at the base have a cause. Fear. Reducing the fear of being judged, in fact, it will also reduce your shyness.
So stop thinking that shyness is part of your character. Only in this way, you begin to fight it.
With the right tools, fear can be overcome.
3 main reasons for overcoming the fear of being judged can be summarized as follows:
1) Engage your mind badly in the judgment by others.
You say or do things based on what others think of you, thus affecting your behavior and not feeling free. If someone does not approve what you say, you feel uncomfortable and therefore you will always try to say things that others may like.
This way of thinking spoils your mood and doesn’t allow you to live your life to the fullest.
2) Your job becomes heavy.
In any job, interacting with other people becomes essential. If you can’t express yourself freely, your best qualities will struggle to emerge. Think about any job promotions, more important tasks that could be assigned to you if you were more self-confident. The ability to know how to communicate with confidence over time will force you to lock yourself in a corner.
3) You will live your life under your real potential.
Would you like to meet a person? The risk of being rejected is too high and therefore you decide to do nothing.
Is anyone wrong with you? You say nothing and suffer, because you want to avoid direct confrontation.
It is like living in prison, where your aspirations can also be imprisoned. The fear of others judgment imprisons you.
Think about how many dreams you could have made, from the smallest ones to the biggest ones, if only … you hadn’t been afraid.
How to defeat the fear of being judged.
Create your own internal judge.
Give voice to your voice. Try not to be too perfectionist, try to let yourself go, because perfection does not exist. The best time will never come. The best time is when you decide to do something and follow your intuition. Failures do not exist: there are only results from which you can learn to become a better person.
Stop judging others.
The more you learn to detach yourself from judging others, the less you will care about when others will judge you. Don’t waste your energy judging what you don’t like, let it go. Instead, keep what enriches you and makes you better.
Think about the dreams you want to achieve.
Focus on thinking with a long-term vision of your life, about opportunities that arise. Think about the gift you have of being able to control your life that is in your hands. How much would it cost you to “hand over” your life in the hands of those who judge you? Is it more important to realize the future you dream of, or the people who are preventing you from making it just because they judge you? Absolutely not.
Dedicate yourself to developing your personality.
The more you know yourself and the more you work on your weaknesses, the more your mind will detach from what others may think. Then focus your energy and focus on yourself. Ask yourself these questions:
- Who I am ?
- What I want ?
- What am I weak in?
- What am I good at?
Making a list of what we are is a way of becoming aware of one’s personality. Developing your personality without others being concerned with their judgment will make you stronger.
Leave the comfort zone!
Challenge your comfort zone one step at a time. This will help you destroy your limitations. Often you tend to imagine apocalyptic scenarios if you make decisions that you fear. Try instead to do what you would never dream of doing, a small thing. You will see that the scenario you imagined was not really so bad, but it was only the result of your (useless) illusion.
Break the chains with all those attitudes that until today, they have only satisfied other people, but not yourself.